Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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