so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize