we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
