I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
