You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish I could punch you in the face.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
