It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
