If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
