HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You dont lie about slip and slides
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
