this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
