awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
