you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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