Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
