the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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