I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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