I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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