nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
