How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
