He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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