I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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