Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
