You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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