i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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