Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
