Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
