Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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