last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
