When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
