There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
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I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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