i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she peed on how many people?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
