You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
