The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
