I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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