It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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