it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
