i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
