Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
