Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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