he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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