At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im six kinds of drunk right now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
