You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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