"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
false alarm, still single
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
