sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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