No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
