Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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