Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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