I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
