Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
