I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
