took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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