I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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