I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't deserve a penis
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
