my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
