Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
