I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
