I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
