Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
