Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
