I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
