I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm always down for nudity.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
