2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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