two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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