So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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