i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
