I think my vagina is haunted
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
