Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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