I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
