The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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