Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
