Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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