im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
