Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
