gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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