my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
