So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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